"It does my heart good to know you"

--said recently by someone I respect very much, in response to a family dealing with Alzheimer's. Suddenly, I noticed the myriad ways this sentiment is present in my life.

Old Jokes began four years ago as a way to share my family's story and show dementia's complex impact on patients, friends, family, and caregivers. My family learned firsthand just how Alzheimer's is habitually stereotyped as “old-timers” by society and mostly ignored in larger media. For too many people, a diagnosis automatically means the end of everything.  Though death is the eventual result, there is still life worth living and fighting for.

My motives were also selfish-- I knew my mother was being dragged down a one-way path and constantly changing as her brain deteriorated. I realized, too late for comfort, that I was forgetting who she was at different stages. Even if my mother was having a bad day, it was still going to be better than the following day, and so it should be remembered. Each blog entry became a way for me to freeze time and record who she was at a particular moment, as well as who we were--and still are-- as a family.

Sometimes I attempt to read the stories by starting with the earliest posts, but I never get past the first few. Reliving the progression of Alzheimer's from the beginning is just too painful. However, reading the posts from the top of the page to the bottom—essentially in reverse chronology-- shows the disease's grasp on my mother loosening. In this order, my mother slowly regains her words and cognition and personhood. My mother's memory experiences a kind of rehabilitation that the physical world denies her. Elements of fear and depression and grief are still present throughout, but so is love and humor and family and faith. Emerging from repeated arguments about wardrobes and cooking and squirrels is my family's dedication to her and, surprisingly, each other.

The four-year mark is the perfect time to say THANK YOU to everyone for reading, sharing, and supporting this blog. Reading about Alzheimer's is anything but easy (especially over four years), but I hope we can all look forward to eventual posts about recoveries and a cure.  

I truly appreciate your dedication and encouragement. It does my heart good to know you.